The pressure to 'I do'
By: Emily Wilson
Issue date: 2/26/10 Section: Opinions
Last week's edition of The Paladin featured a cover story about the other type of "engaged learning" that goes on at Furman: the proposals, engagements and marriages that occur among some undergraduate students. "Must have been a slow news week," someone at my lunch table commented, because early engagements and weddings among Furman students is hardly a surprise to most of us. Indeed, the Furman's "marriage culture" is the subject of jokes, stereotypes, complaints and discussions among students, faculty and staff alike.
I am in no way denouncing collegiate marriages or those who participate in them -- my parents met in college and were engaged shortly after graduation, and I have several friends who have married, or will marry, their college sweethearts. I am simply attempting to evaluate this phenomenon and share my insights, however limited they are.
Does Furman intentionally encourage its students down the aisle? Although Orientation Week activities do emphasize male/female relationships and presuppose binary gender roles and heterosexuality, I would argue that these activities result from years of tradition and general enjoyment by the student body, not a conspiracy to couple off freshmen the day they arrive on campus. Rather, I believe the frequency of marriage is the product of broader cultural expectations and the inherent self-selection that occurs when choosing to attend an institution that tends to attract like-minded individuals.
My particular interest lies with the influence that some students' nuptials have on the rest of the student body. I believe the emphasis and prevalence of serious relationships that lead to marriage at Furman is a contributing factor for our campus's stifled, even nonexistent, dating scene. Casual dinners or dates are rare, and for good reason. If two people do go out together or commit a "double function assumption" with the intent to get to know each other better, people immediately ask questions, or assume that they are an item.
For some, a lovely dinner does turn into a wonderful relationship. But the pressure for this to happen, for a casual interest or date to lead to something more, keeps a lot people from even playing the field. The unfortunate result is that few people have the courage to explore romantic relationships, a process crucial for personal development and maturation.
It is a beautiful thing when two people fall in love and commit to each other for the rest of their lives, no matter when this happens. It's also a really wonderful thing when two people can enjoy each other's company without the "strings attached" that can feel like they are pulling toward the altar.
So, to those of you in "marriage-material" relationships, congratulations. To everyone else, know that you don't have to be in this kind of relationship in order have a complete college experience or feel validated as a person. It's spring term - don't be afraid to have fun.
I am in no way denouncing collegiate marriages or those who participate in them -- my parents met in college and were engaged shortly after graduation, and I have several friends who have married, or will marry, their college sweethearts. I am simply attempting to evaluate this phenomenon and share my insights, however limited they are.
Does Furman intentionally encourage its students down the aisle? Although Orientation Week activities do emphasize male/female relationships and presuppose binary gender roles and heterosexuality, I would argue that these activities result from years of tradition and general enjoyment by the student body, not a conspiracy to couple off freshmen the day they arrive on campus. Rather, I believe the frequency of marriage is the product of broader cultural expectations and the inherent self-selection that occurs when choosing to attend an institution that tends to attract like-minded individuals.
My particular interest lies with the influence that some students' nuptials have on the rest of the student body. I believe the emphasis and prevalence of serious relationships that lead to marriage at Furman is a contributing factor for our campus's stifled, even nonexistent, dating scene. Casual dinners or dates are rare, and for good reason. If two people do go out together or commit a "double function assumption" with the intent to get to know each other better, people immediately ask questions, or assume that they are an item.
For some, a lovely dinner does turn into a wonderful relationship. But the pressure for this to happen, for a casual interest or date to lead to something more, keeps a lot people from even playing the field. The unfortunate result is that few people have the courage to explore romantic relationships, a process crucial for personal development and maturation.
It is a beautiful thing when two people fall in love and commit to each other for the rest of their lives, no matter when this happens. It's also a really wonderful thing when two people can enjoy each other's company without the "strings attached" that can feel like they are pulling toward the altar.
So, to those of you in "marriage-material" relationships, congratulations. To everyone else, know that you don't have to be in this kind of relationship in order have a complete college experience or feel validated as a person. It's spring term - don't be afraid to have fun.