Coming out on campus
By: Dusty Roether
Issue date: 11/13/09 Section: Opinions
On October 11 of each year, the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community and its allies observe National Coming Out Day as a day of awareness about the (often difficult) act of coming out of the closet. The experience of coming out of the closet is not a once-in-a-lifetime event: LGBT individuals have to come out of the closet almost every day, and the difficulty lies in knowing how someone will respond.
I realized that I was gay when I entered middle school. While other guys started talking about how attractive the girls were, I was thinking about how attractive the guys were. As time went on, I realized that this was taboo because "the Bible tells me so," and this led to an internal conflict that waged in my mind for nine years. I even dated a few girls during high school, but no matter how hard I tried or prayed, I could not eliminate my true feelings. At the end of my sophomore year at Furman, I finally accepted my sexual orientation, and I decided to come out.
The first step was to tell my family. I was pretty certain that both of my parents would not approve, but I felt sure that my sisters would understand and would support me, particularly my younger sister because she is a musical theatre major and acts on stage with gay men all the time. My expectations, however, did not reflect reality - my mother was far more supportive than my father and my sisters, and my father actually said that I am going to hell as a result. One of my sisters attempted to talk me out of it, and the other sister refused to talk to me at all. After a dramatic summer living with my family, I hoped to come back to more accepting attitudes at Furman. Sadly, this was not the case. When I returned to Furman for my junior year, some of my friends would not talk to me, and others started to treat me differently. My entire life changed simply because I revealed a part of my identity.
As Susannah Morris makes clear in her column, "On God and gays," religion "is so often used to justify discrimination and hatred." In fact, religion was the main reason why most of my friends and family did not approve of my sexual orientation, and this seems to be why many LGBT individuals on Furman's campus choose not to come out. It is not clear how people will respond and, in such a conservative Christian environment, this action could be socially detrimental. But coming out of the closet was necessary for my own personal happiness, and as difficult as some days are as a result of it, I do not regret my decision.
Many people wonder how they should respond if a friend were to come out to them. The response should be one of thanks to the LGBT individual for trusting you enough to tell you. Also, you should make it clear that the individual can count on you for support. The ultimate goal should be happiness, even if the way of receiving happiness is not entirely understood.
A common misconception is that an individual's identity completely changes when they come out. Rather, they have just revealed more about who they are. The Furman community must become more welcoming to LGBT individuals, for how can LGBT individuals feel welcomed on a campus where they are afraid to come out?
I realized that I was gay when I entered middle school. While other guys started talking about how attractive the girls were, I was thinking about how attractive the guys were. As time went on, I realized that this was taboo because "the Bible tells me so," and this led to an internal conflict that waged in my mind for nine years. I even dated a few girls during high school, but no matter how hard I tried or prayed, I could not eliminate my true feelings. At the end of my sophomore year at Furman, I finally accepted my sexual orientation, and I decided to come out.
The first step was to tell my family. I was pretty certain that both of my parents would not approve, but I felt sure that my sisters would understand and would support me, particularly my younger sister because she is a musical theatre major and acts on stage with gay men all the time. My expectations, however, did not reflect reality - my mother was far more supportive than my father and my sisters, and my father actually said that I am going to hell as a result. One of my sisters attempted to talk me out of it, and the other sister refused to talk to me at all. After a dramatic summer living with my family, I hoped to come back to more accepting attitudes at Furman. Sadly, this was not the case. When I returned to Furman for my junior year, some of my friends would not talk to me, and others started to treat me differently. My entire life changed simply because I revealed a part of my identity.
As Susannah Morris makes clear in her column, "On God and gays," religion "is so often used to justify discrimination and hatred." In fact, religion was the main reason why most of my friends and family did not approve of my sexual orientation, and this seems to be why many LGBT individuals on Furman's campus choose not to come out. It is not clear how people will respond and, in such a conservative Christian environment, this action could be socially detrimental. But coming out of the closet was necessary for my own personal happiness, and as difficult as some days are as a result of it, I do not regret my decision.
Many people wonder how they should respond if a friend were to come out to them. The response should be one of thanks to the LGBT individual for trusting you enough to tell you. Also, you should make it clear that the individual can count on you for support. The ultimate goal should be happiness, even if the way of receiving happiness is not entirely understood.
A common misconception is that an individual's identity completely changes when they come out. Rather, they have just revealed more about who they are. The Furman community must become more welcoming to LGBT individuals, for how can LGBT individuals feel welcomed on a campus where they are afraid to come out?