Underneath the Kisstletoe
By: Mary Patrick
Issue date: 11/14/08 Section: Opinions
November 15 may seem like a normal Saturday afternoon on Furman's campus as students sleep late, eat brunch and attend the football game. However, in actuality November 15 will be far from a normal Furman Saturday. On November 15, thousands of people in Paladin stadium will attempt to break a Guinness World Record.
If your first thoughts are, "Wow, that's so cool. I always wanted to break a record," then you are not alone. I, too, think world record holders are cool, but I doubt that this record is what you had in mind.
Sponsored by Bloom, a relatively new chain of supermarkets owned by Food Lion, Kisstletoe 2008 is a plug for the imminent Christmas season and involves hundreds of couples kissing each other during the Furman/Georgia Southern halftime show - not exactly the most romantic notion ever. In order for the record to count, at least 6,982 couples must participate. Furthermore, Guinness requires that all kisses remain in lip contact for at least 10 seconds. In other words, during halftime, 14,000 Paladin ticketholders must kiss simultaneously for ten seconds. Even if Bloom gets 6,982 couples locking lips, Guinness judges must approve the attempt.
Suddenly, world record holders do not seem quite so cool. Just imagine, the announcer proclaims, "find your partner. It's time to kiss." You look around and realize that beside you and your girlfriend stand your history professor and her husband, a Furman alumni and his wife and Drs. Shi. Do you really want to make out now? Do you wish to see these people play tonsil hockey for ten seconds? (Just count to ten and remind yourself how long that is.)
You then grasp the significance, or lack there of, of this world record. You see the Fox Sports' FSN South cameras. You realize that 9 million people are about to watch your student body move to first base. You remember that your grandmother watches all the Furman games with her blue-haired friends from Sunday school class. You recall mono statistics from 9th grade health. You have juries, presentations and exams in three weeks. You cannot afford to get mono! Unfortunately, it's too late. The game is set. You are scared for life.
More importantly, you realize how tactless this world record truly is. You hear news anchors say, "Furman University takes 'engaged learning' methods to new levels." You wonder why Bloom picked this stunt to represent the holiday season. You think Christmas represents selfless giving, so you wonder why we could not break a different world record. How about the largest canned food drive? (Bloom still makes money.) Better yet, what about the most couples simultaneously giving money, which they would spend on gifts for each other, to couples who cannot afford to buy gifts? You conclude that "Kissletoe 2008" disgraces the school, the students and the region. You hope the next world record Furman breaks will not stem from profit and popularity, but rather grateful generosity and good will.
If your first thoughts are, "Wow, that's so cool. I always wanted to break a record," then you are not alone. I, too, think world record holders are cool, but I doubt that this record is what you had in mind.
Sponsored by Bloom, a relatively new chain of supermarkets owned by Food Lion, Kisstletoe 2008 is a plug for the imminent Christmas season and involves hundreds of couples kissing each other during the Furman/Georgia Southern halftime show - not exactly the most romantic notion ever. In order for the record to count, at least 6,982 couples must participate. Furthermore, Guinness requires that all kisses remain in lip contact for at least 10 seconds. In other words, during halftime, 14,000 Paladin ticketholders must kiss simultaneously for ten seconds. Even if Bloom gets 6,982 couples locking lips, Guinness judges must approve the attempt.
Suddenly, world record holders do not seem quite so cool. Just imagine, the announcer proclaims, "find your partner. It's time to kiss." You look around and realize that beside you and your girlfriend stand your history professor and her husband, a Furman alumni and his wife and Drs. Shi. Do you really want to make out now? Do you wish to see these people play tonsil hockey for ten seconds? (Just count to ten and remind yourself how long that is.)
You then grasp the significance, or lack there of, of this world record. You see the Fox Sports' FSN South cameras. You realize that 9 million people are about to watch your student body move to first base. You remember that your grandmother watches all the Furman games with her blue-haired friends from Sunday school class. You recall mono statistics from 9th grade health. You have juries, presentations and exams in three weeks. You cannot afford to get mono! Unfortunately, it's too late. The game is set. You are scared for life.
More importantly, you realize how tactless this world record truly is. You hear news anchors say, "Furman University takes 'engaged learning' methods to new levels." You wonder why Bloom picked this stunt to represent the holiday season. You think Christmas represents selfless giving, so you wonder why we could not break a different world record. How about the largest canned food drive? (Bloom still makes money.) Better yet, what about the most couples simultaneously giving money, which they would spend on gifts for each other, to couples who cannot afford to buy gifts? You conclude that "Kissletoe 2008" disgraces the school, the students and the region. You hope the next world record Furman breaks will not stem from profit and popularity, but rather grateful generosity and good will.